Keep your chin up

By Princess Ariadne | Published 19 December 2011

It’s funny, I’ve spent the past few days being told “keep your chin up” and “don’t give them the satisfaction” and while these pieces of advice are given with love and encouragement, they’re wrong.

Do you really think the them in question cares whether you’re smiling or not? If you’re still here, and they want you gone, your expression is largely irrelevant.

Ok, maybe it does matter a little, but let’s pretend this hypothetical “them” are the management team of your place of employment, and that this place of employment has several floors and areas, and the them are on one floor and you are on another. Just turning up makes them roll their eyes, but they get on with their lives until they next see you, which isn’t very often, to be honest.

You, on the other hand, have to be in a place that you do not like, knocking yourself out on tasks you cannot do, forcing a smile on your face so that you can “win”? No, sweetie, you’re the losing team, the definitive underdog, and this is not a Disney movie, they are not going to see the error of their ways just because you show gritty determination topped with a charming smile.

I don’t think anyone should give up at the first hurdle, but after, for example (for this is certainly only hypothetical), four and a half years of trying to prove yourself, only to be constantly berated, walking away is the only option.

“There is only one way to happiness, and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” Epictetus

“Do the best that can be done and then… be resigned.” Robert Ingersoll

“A more peaceful way to live is to decide consciously which battles are worth fighting and which are better left alone…” Richard Carlson

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Protected: A totally fictional unhappy situation

By Princess Ariadne | Published 17 December 2011

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Every Christmas Party of my Life

By Sarah | Published 3 December 2011

Last night was the work Christmas party. Every year I forget about this one issue that really bugs me, and every morning after I spend in a rage wanting to stab something.

Alcohol.

Largely I don’t drink. At one point I did not drink at all, but every now and then I fancy a silly cocktail. I don’t get drunk, generally I don’t even notice if I’m tipsy because it’s very much like me being sober. Surrounded by good company, I can get giddy without the aid of alcohol.

Last night I had planned not to drink. I’ll be honest, I don’t really like the taste of alcohol. Sometimes I like just one sip of Craig’s beer, sometimes I want a silly cocktail that doesn’t taste of alcohol, but if you offer me a choice of OJ or a spirit with a mixer, I’ll take the soft drink every time. When I did drink (and I did, heavily) I drank solely to get drunk. I would have a double vodka with a Smirnoff Ice as the mixer and down it quickly so that I wouldn’t have to taste it. Not my finest moments, but at least I can write it off as being an idiot and very unhappy teenager.

Now I’m a very happy person, surrounded by lovely people, and I do not need to get drunk to blot them out. I want to remember my evenings out. I do not want to fall over, lose my shoes, leave my shirt at a bar or any of the stupid things I have done in the past.

Last night, as we approached the bar, Friend asked, “What are you drinking?” and I replied that an OJ would be lovely. Friend pulled a face and asked again what I was really drinking. I again said that an OJ was fine. Friend pointed out it was Christmas and I should “treat myself”. For the sake of a quiet life I asked for a Malibu and Coke. I really hate the “treat yourself” argument about alcohol. By the same logic I should start handing out my cigarettes to the non-smokers with the words, “Treat yourself, it’s Christmas.”

Later, Friend went to the bar again without me, I requested an OJ and was given another Malibu and Coke, which I deposited on a table and ignored all night. I then went to the bar myself and made sure my drink was devoid of alcohol.

In previous years I’ve had this conversation with someone we shall refer to as “Dickhead”.

Dickhead: What are you drinking?
Me: OJ.
Dickhead: Oh, are you driving?
Me: No. I just don’t drink. (This is back when I definitely did not drink, not even a little.)
Dickhead: Oh, why don’t you drink?
Me: Because I don’t want to.
Dickhead: No, really, why don’t you drink.
Me: Because I’m a recovering alcoholic, and they get cross if you turn up to AA meetings twatted.
Dickhead: Oh, really? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.
Me: I’m not an alcoholic, you twat. I just don’t drink.
Dickhead: Really? But why?
Me: Because I’m pregnant.
Dickhead: Oh! Congratulations, when are you due?
Me: I’M NOT PREGNANT, I JUST DON’T DRINK.
Dickhead: Surely there must be a reason.
Me: Ok, you forced it out of me, I’m actually a Muslim, but I don’t like to bring up religion in social settings.
Dickhead: Really? I guess that’s why you’re friends with [Asian Friend].
Me: For fuck’s sake! I’m not Muslim, I’m not pregnant and I’m not an alcoholic, I just don’t drink!
Dickhead: But why?

At this point, I walked off.

Dickhead is one thing, but Friend is another. Dickhead is just a dick, and can’t help that, he’s genetically programmed to be an arse, but Friend really should have respected my wishes about drink.

If someone does not want to drink, then they should not be forced to because other people believe it is impossible for anyone to have a good time without drinking. I’m 31 years old and tend to drink Schloer at parties in the hopes that people will assume it’s wine and not get on my case about lightening up and getting drunk.

Sometimes I flat-out tell people, “I lived with an abusive alcoholic for three years,” as a reason why I don’t drink and that only stops some of them. And to be honest, that’s very little to do with why I don’t want to drink. I just don’t want to. I don’t like it.

Right, I’m off for a smoke to calm down. Why don’t you come with me? You don’t smoke? Pfff! It’s Christmas. Treat yourself.

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NaNoWriMo – Day 11

By Sarah | Published 11 November 2011

When I booked today off work I excitedly told everyone that I would NaNo my little heart out.  That was my grand plan, I have fallen behind badly on the word count by taking a day off yesterday (thanks to a migraine) and I thought a full day of writing would set me back on track.

Unfortunately the landlord informed us that he was coming over today.  This means I got up early, tidied the house, then sat around feeling awkward (no smoking) until he arrived “late morning” (after 1pm).  I know, I could have written while waiting, but I couldn’t settle because I knew I’d have to drop the writing as soon as he arrived.  Plus, after I’d tidied up, there wasn’t much of the morning left.

He has just left.  My boyfriend will be home from work in 40 minutes, so that’s the entire day lost.  I am annoyed.  Also, I do not feel well.  I spent all day feeling sick and headachey, and then a migraine hit last night, so I assumed I was just displaying symptoms I don’t usually get.  Usually I lose my sight, go numb, sometimes hallucinate, and crawl into bed to die.  Last night I did that, minus the hallucinations, but I don’t feel any better today.

I feel that my day off has been completely robbed.  And my word count sucks.  I must force myself to keep writing now, and I’m not in the mood.  Let’s just hope tomorrow is better.

A quarter of the way there!

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NaNoWriMo – Day 6

By Sarah | Published 6 November 2011
NaNoWriMo 2011 Participant

NaNoWriMo 2011 Participant

So, we’re on Day 6 of NaNoWriMo, I have four first chapters and only one of them has stuck.  I could add those words to my word count (it would only bump me up a couple of thousand words) but since I’ve tried this story different ways, it kind of feels like cheating.

I did start out trying to be a grown-up and write a “proper” story and it just wouldn’t work.  It wasn’t fun, I didn’t care, it was stilted and dull.  I thought back to the fanfic that fandom will never let me forget – I hate it, some love it, though anyone with half a brain should pick holes in it for the lulz – no matter how rubbish it was, I had a lot of fun writing it.

So I’m writing in exactly the same style.  Loose, not bothered about foreshadowing, no great detail, just getting the story done.  This is for my amusement, it’s not going to get published, it’s not even going on a website, so why work myself to death to make it accessible to everyone?  Oh, and by the way, it has a great honking Mary Sue in there.

So is it a bit hypocritical that I rage against people who write these type of fanfics?  Well, because they get upset when you point out the failings, yet they put it up on ff.net with “plz r&r” (please read and review, for those not fluent in 12 year old girl).  I’m not writing this to publish it, either online or hard copy, I’m just going to write 50,000 words, and have fun doing it.

Plus, the story has an apocalypse, an abandoned theme park, people fighting the forces of darkness, ghosts, monsters and a quest for the perfect vase for a bedroom.  I am having fun with this.

Edited to add: Now the layout of my journal is actually relevant.  Kelsey does actually live in an abandoned theme park.  Rock on.

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NaNoWriMo – Day 3

By Sarah | Published 3 November 2011

Well, I can’t update my word count at NaNo due to some bug, so yesterday my word count was 1,004 of 50,000 – it’s not a brilliant start, but it will do.

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Rise Above Hate (or something)

By Sarah | Published 30 October 2011
Rise Above Hate

Rise Above Hate

 

Can I just say I love this picture?  Not really worth blogging, but I did anyway.  I know, I should be using tumblr for stuff like this.

I know I’m supposed to hate Cena (or be madly in love with him) but I just can’t hate him when he does stuff like this.

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NaNoWriMo 2011

By Sarah | Published 30 October 2011
NaNoWriMo 2011 Participant

NaNoWriMo 2011 Participant

So, NaNo 2011 is looming, I have already ditched one carefully planned out idea in favour of another.  The first idea was a simple ghost story, your standard white lady tale that hits every cliche in the book.  The second one is more along the lines of Woods, a novel in which a bunch of teenagers are tormented by an evil fucking entity in the woods.  In fact, the new idea is a sequel.

The universe in which I write has grown substantially since I first wrote Woods.  I’ve taken a leaf out of Stephen King’s book and let my stories overlap, even the supernatural and the non-supernatural.  They all take place in the same town, which is based on my home town, and a lot of surnames overlap.  A powerful and wealthy family is featured in all of my stories, sometimes in the lead role, other times just mentioned.

The sequel that I plan to write is based in the same location as Woods, but with brand new characters, same things only turned up to eleven.  I hope.

If it’s all terrible, it won’t bother me, I know that some things I write are just for my amusement, whereas others have potential.  I think I’ll probably know about 20,000 words into this one.

That reminds me, I really must finish editing Woods.

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Movie Recap: Necromentia (2009)

By Sarah | Published 29 October 2011

Necromentia (2009)

A off-world look at the superstitious repercussions of tattooing an Ouija Board on your body. Hagen, who has a dead wife believes that he can revive her from the dead. Travis, a man who lost his brother and wants to join him in the after life. Morbius, a bartender who is betrayed by those he loves comes back from the dead to take revenge. And a strange man only known as Mr. Skinny protects the secrets of the Ouija Board and how the stories weave and affect each other.
- Taken from the DVD

The main cast are as follows:

Morbius, a demon or a human, either way, he’s into big knives, revenge, self-harm and emo monologues. This is a guy who would have a deadjournal (even though the site is now defunct), go to Evanescene concerts and write poetry that nobody understands.

Morbius, a demon or a human, either way, he’s into big knives, revenge, self-harm and emo monologues. This is a guy who would have a deadjournal (even though the site is now defunct), go to Evanescene concerts and write poetry that nobody understands.

 

Travis, a guy who wants his dead brother back.

Travis, a guy who wants his dead brother back.

Thomas, Travis’ dead brother.

Thomas, Travis’ dead brother.

Hagen, a creepy fucker who loves Elizabeth more than words can say.

Hagen, a creepy fucker who loves Elizabeth more than words can say.

 

Elizabeth, the love of Hagen’s life and, looking at all the evidence, an epic bitch.

Elizabeth, the love of Hagen’s life and, looking at all the evidence, an epic bitch.

The Gas Mask Demon. It’s a demon in a fucking gas mask, what do you want from me?

The Gas Mask Demon. It’s a demon in a fucking gas mask, what do you want from me?

Big Zipper Demon, please note I kindly took caps of the front and the back so you could see why I call him the Big Zipper Demon.

Big Zipper Demon, please note I kindly took caps of the front and the back so you could see why I call him the Big Zipper Demon.

 

S&M Pig, he’s actually called Mr Skinny, but let’s face it, it’s an S&M Pig

S&M Pig, he’s actually called Mr Skinny, but let’s face it, it’s an S&M Pig

Continue reading »

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Procrastination: Writing and Wrestling

By Sarah | Published 23 October 2011

I have been procrastinating recently.  NaNo is looming and I’ve got a load of notes typed up so I can get going when it turns 1 November, and since I can’t start typing the story I spent ages faffing in Daz to make my characters.  Really?  There’s nothing else I could work on right now?

Sure there is, there’s NaNo 2010, which is still unfinished.  However, instead of working on that, I loaded up Kelsey, my main character, in Daz and built this layout.  That story isn’t even set in an abandoned theme park, another unfinished story is.  I could work on that, but I suspect if I opened the document I’d just run off to Daz to build my characters.  Really, I’m just that bad at the moment.

Not to mention I have the Star series, and Woods (NaNo 2006) to edit to death – they are at least finished, but I’m still unhappy with them.

Even this post is me putting off working on my stories.

*sigh*

The only hope is tonight.  For some reason I tend to get shedloads done while waiting for a wrestling PPV to start.

On the note of wrestling, let’s look at the card:
Last Man Standing Match for the WWE Title – Alberto Del Rio (c) vs. John Cena
I want to see Del Rio retain.  I really want to see Cena lose.  I don’t hate the guy, in fact, I’m one of the few smarks who still likes him, despite him being Super Cena.  However, Del Rio’s a vicious little bugger and deserves to hold on to the title for awhile longer (and if anyone should take it off him, I want it to be Punk).

WWE World Title Match – Mark Henry (c) vs. Big Show
Meh.  I’m sorry, I don’t care.  I liked Mark Henry’s last couple of matches where he threw JoMo around like a ragdoll, but two slow big men lumbering around is not exciting and I couldn’t care.  I’m sure Henry will retain.

Randy Orton vs. Cody Rhodes
Whatevs.  Hate Orton with a passion, but I’m also bored of Rhodes now.  That said, it will probably be a good match and, if pushed for a favourite, I’ll choose Rhodes.

WWE Divas Title Match – Beth Phoenix (c) vs. Eve Torres
I did care about the Divas of Doom initially, but I’m now bored.  (“Scream for me Kelly Kelly”, leave it, Beth, she’ll scream anyway.  All of her matches sound like kicking out time at Wetherspoons.)  Anyway, after Beth revealed that she’s a girl and scared of the big bad working environment I just don’t care.

CM Punk and Triple H vs. The Miz and R-Truth
This is the reason I’m watching.  I love all four, I want to see Punk and Mr H’s win, but I don’t really care either way because both teams are effing awesome.

WWE Tag Team Title Match – Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne (c’s) vs. Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger
I think Air Boom will retain and it will probably be a good match.

U.S. Title Match – Dolph Ziggler (c) vs. Zack Ryder
Come on Ryder!  Love Dolph, but I want Ryder to win.  Squee’d rather loudly a couple of weeks ago when Ryder got a squash match on Raw.

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